Finding Peace During Peri/Menopause: How the "Let Them Theory" Can Set You Free
You're in the middle of a hormonal storm, maybe you snapped at your partner over something small, or you're feeling overwhelmed by everyone's expectations of you. Then someone says, "You're so moody lately," or "You should just exercise more." Your first instinct might be to defend yourself, explain your experience, or try to make them understand what peri/menopause is really like.
But what if there was a gentler way? What if you could find peace by simply letting them be exactly who they are?
What is the "Let Them Theory"?
The "Let Them Theory," made popular by Mel Robbins, is beautifully simple: let them. Let them have their opinions. Let them misunderstand. Let them judge. Let them give unsolicited advice. Instead of exhausting yourself trying to change their minds, you focus on what you actually can control, your own reactions, boundaries, and choices.
This isn't about being passive or giving up. It's about recognizing that you can't control other people, and that's actually liberating.
Why This Matters More During Peri/Menopause
During this life phase, you're already managing so much, fluctuating hormones, changing body, shifting energy levels, and often increased responsibilities with aging parents or growing children. The last thing you need is to waste precious energy trying to make others understand your experience or approve of your choices.
Common situations where the "Let Them Theory" can help:
When family members don't understand your symptoms: Let them think you're "just getting older." You know what's happening in your body.
When friends suggest quick fixes: Let them believe their solutions would work for everyone. You're the expert on your own needs.
When colleagues comment on your energy or mood: Let them have their opinions. Your worth isn't determined by their approval.
How to Practice "Let Them" During Peri/Menopause
Start with the phrase: When someone's behavior or opinion bothers you, literally say to yourself, "Let them." Let them worry about your choices. Let them judge your boundaries. Let them not understand.
Redirect your energy: Every time you catch yourself trying to explain or justify your experience, ask: "What can I control here?" Often, it's simply how you choose to respond or whether you respond at all.
Set quiet boundaries: Instead of fighting for understanding, just act on what you need. If you need to leave a social gathering early because you're exhausted, you don't need anyone's permission or approval.
The Unexpected Freedom
Here's what many women discover: when you stop trying to manage other people's reactions to your peri/menopause journey, you suddenly have more energy for what actually matters. You can focus on finding the right healthcare support, nourishing your changing body, and honoring your evolving needs.
You might find that some people naturally become more supportive when you're not trying to convince them to be. Others might not and that's information you can use to decide how much energy to invest in those relationships.
Your Gentle Practice
This week, notice when you feel the urge to explain, justify, or defend your peri/menopause experience. Before you do, pause and ask: "What if I just let them think whatever they're going to think?"
Try saying "Let them" in your mind, then redirect that energy toward something that actually serves you, whether that's a walk, a nap, or simply breathing deeply.
Remember: You don't need anyone's permission to take care of yourself during this transition. You don't need their understanding to make choices that honor your changing needs. You just need to let them be who they are, while you focus on being who you're becoming.
Source:
Baulch, J. (2024). What's all the fuss about the "Let Them Theory" by Mel Robbins? Inner Melbourne Psychology. https://www.innermelbpsychology.com.au/let-them-theory/
